My First Ever Weird Experience -- It's Called Retirement

I have been retired for two days and it is weird. Really weird.

I've never known this situation, nor have I ever had a loved one cross into it during my conscious life; my wonderful mother - who was my sole parent - died at 59. My grandparents were retired going back to my earliest memories of them. Transitioning from full-time work to fully retired is all new to me. And disorienting. 

I keep feeling tugs within me to get ready to go back to work as usual, as my two days off are done for the week -- get my food ready for tomorrow, make sure I have bus fare and line up the workplace ID badge, keys and wallet so I can make a quick exit tomorrow morning. And don't drink tea after 4 pm so I'll be rested enough to make that departure. That's how it has been for decades, but suddenly those are needless procedures.

I've made it all the way here - Wow

I don't have to go to work -- and I still get to eat. Nobody can fire me. This goes against our socialization, which holds that if you don't work, it means you are lazy. And you don't deserve to have a roof over your head.

But I'll continue to have my meals, and that roof atop my one-bedroom apartment. That's because of course the rules are different for retirees. They are people who have done their duty and are now rewarded with leisure. Besides, retirees are too weak and frail to do work. And they walk so slowly and never notice their turn signals are flashing, so it's better for everyone if they stay at home all day.

Notice I'm calling retires "they" and "them." That's because I can't fathom that I am in fact a retired person. Yes, I know they -- that is we don't really walk inordinately slowly, and most of us can lift anything a normal daily routine calls for a person to lift. And we notice our turn signals.

Beyond the fact that "retiree" doesn't mean slow and out of it per se, there's also my personal non-standard situation -- no boast intended, but I look about two decades younger than my 65 years and I lost 80 pounds a dozen years ago have kept it off. I'm 6-foot-1 and weigh 177 pounds.

To say I can still do lifting doesn't tell the whole story. Today, at age 65, I can lift and climb stairs much more easily than I could 30 years ago.

Okay, I'm not meaning to sound like Jack Lalanne. In fact, let me tell you that the fine state of health I find myself in today followed young adult and middle years of poor condition and a long list of health troubles. In my mid 20s through my early 50s, I chose a bad diet and experienced frequent overweight, heart palpitations, and periodic bouts with paralyzing agoraphobia (a malady you don't want).

Is it? Or have I found
 my just reward?

So my age progression has sort of been reversed, making retirement even more weird. I'm greeting it more like the day you got your driver's license. A second youth. For the last couple of days, I've been in a gentle euphoria.

Of course, I'll have to see how well my retirement pay, modest savings and Social Security hold up. My expenses are considerably less because I live as a minimalist; for 10 years, I happily have not owned a car or any kind of television.

Nonetheless I may be back to working in a few months, but perhaps in need of only 50 or 60 bucks a week, which could be attained through online writing, an avocation that is usually pure fun for me.

For the moment, however, and perhaps for the long term, this is otherworldly. Things look different. My mood is freed from so much baggage. I feel like I'm in a strangely unfamiliar place without leaving home.

Those observations may sound like the description of someone's positive LSD trip -- at least from what I've heard. I've never used illicit drugs, nor consumed even so much as a whole can of beer. During my teens and college years, I preferred reading world almanacs and encyclopedias and poring over maps to going to rock concerts and parties.

No, I just never kept company with my generation's many iterations of weird. And though retirement would seem to represent the closing of the life stage marked by bold exploration, it seems to be opening up just such a time for me. 

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Brian Arbenz lives in Louisville, Ky. USA, where had careers as an independent journalist, statistical clerk for the U.S. Census Bureau, public relations person for social service and social justice organizations, and pizza delivery person.